A Quack's Guide To Embarrassing Illnesses
It can be embarrassing enough seeking treatment for socially awkward illnesses in the 21st century when we are blessed with advanced medical knowledge and professional healthcare, but in bygone times when expert advice was either too expensive or simply unavailable, DIY home remedies were often the only option.
Dangerous and Ineffective
Until more recent times, the lack of medical regulation meant that so-called “quack” physicians could patent all manner of loony remedies for a whole spectrum of disorders with little or no medical evidence to back up their claims. At best these cures were ineffective; at worst they were downright dangerous and, in the cases of the quack remedies listed below, many were simply bonkers.
So, prepare yourself for a whistle-stop tour of some of the barmiest cures we could find in our attempt to get to the bottom (and indeed sometimes up the bottom) of what it was like to treat some seriously unfortunate conditions using some seriously questionable methods.
Munching on Worms
Take obesity for instance. This growing problem in modern Britain is combated today through a combination of healthy eating and exercise, or in extreme cases, surgery. Either way, the results take some effort and motivation on behalf of the afflicted. Surely there must be an easier way?
Well in the 1930s a miracle arrived in the form of a diet that promised to help overweight ladies shed excess pounds using a very special dietary supplement. What was this miracle ingredient? Live tapeworms.
That’s right, the conscientious slimmer in the 1930s would wilfully ingest a thriving colony of “friends for a fair form” in order to keep her figure svelte and her man happy. Thank god for feminism and the Atkins diet.
But whilst munching on worms is certainly an unpleasant prospect, things can get a whole lot dodgier when you shift focus to the other end of the alimentary canal and tackle the subject of piles. And our next miracle cure for haemorrhoids is guaranteed to make your eyes water.
Stimulate the “Vital Spot”
The wondrous “Recto Rotor” from 1930 was billed as “The latest and most efficient invention for the quick relief of piles, constipation and prostate troubles”. Unfortunately this “medical” device would have looked more at home in a branch of Ann Summers than it would down your local Boots pharmacy.
Six inches long and resembling a cross between Blackpool Tower and an exocet missile, the Recto Rotor was to be inserted gently into the anus to relieve and stimulate the “vital spot”. Given that it also vibrated and had a built-in self lubricating mechanism, you could be forgiven for thinking that the purpose of this little beauty wasn’t strictly medical at all. Add to this the fact that it was advertised as being “Large enough to be efficient. Small enough for anyone over 15 years old” and I think you’ll agree that this product is heading into some very dark territory indeed (and I don’t mean your colon).
Wonder Cure
Mind you, a belly full of parasites and a violated anus seem like attractive options when compared to the fate of the poor saps who tried to treat their health problems in the 1920s. Here in an age of Jazz, prosperity and post-war optimism a brand new miracle drug was all the rage: radium.
Endorsed by health gurus everywhere (including a certain Frank Kellogg, inventor of the cornflake) radium was hailed as a wonder cure for illnesses as diverse as cancer, constipation, eczema, arthritis, high blood pressure and piles. From irradiated water coolers to atomic topical treatments, the quacks could hardly produce enough of the stuff to meet demand.
Then people started dying.
In one well known case a Pittsburg steel tycoon named Eben Beyers became so seriously ill after extensively imbibing a popular vitality-boosting radium tonic that he had to have his mouth and jaw removed in surgery. He died shortly after and his story made the front page of the New York Times, effectively ending the radium craze.
Restoring Sexual Virility
By far the most fertile ground for the opportunistic quack has to be the realm of male sexual dysfunction, as anyone with an email account full of unsolicited spam for impotence drugs can attest to. But at least we can credit the medical fraudsters of the past for showing a little more inventiveness in their dodgy dealings than merely peddling knock-off Viagra.
Take the case of “Doctor” John Romulus Brinkley, a bogus physician so unpleasant he’d make Victor Frankenstein feel queasy. Brinkley, a man of questionable medical training, pioneered a brand new form of treatment for restoring sexual virility in patients: goat glands.
Basing his discovery on the flimsy fact that goats tend to be a bit on the randy side, Brinkley had the bright idea of surgically implanting goat testicles into the scrotal sacks and abdomens of male and female patients suffering from sexual dysfunction.
As Brinkley operated in less-than-sterile conditions and often did so whilst intoxicated with booze, it comes as no surprise that several of his patients died from infections. What is surprising is that, with more than 16,000 people undergoing this bizarre treatment during Brinkley’s career, the death toll wasn’t higher.
So there we have it, a twisted history of treatment from a bygone age of embarrassing illnesses, from tapeworms to butt plugs via killer energy drinks, and surgically implanted goat bollocks.
Suddenly the NHS doesn’t seem so bad, does it?
You can share your experiences and thoughts with other Embarrassing Bodies site-users below. Comments are reviewed before they are published.
Please note: Unfortunately Channel 4 cannot respond to individual inquiries. If you have any concerns, you can check out the Channel 4 Health site or NHS Choices, but ultimately it is always best to check with a health professional.
I am a 21 year old man and i am in a new relationship we both done a STI test and both results came back clear.we are in a long distance relationship so make the most of the time we have together we had unprotected sex also unprotected oral and after 10 days i came out with red spots with white dots in the middle on the tip o my penis and under the foreskin which are uncomortable and itchy and my girlriend has nothing what is it can you help me?
sorry me again i have suffered for many years of exsessive sweating within a couple of minutes of washing putting on deo i am sooked it smells so bad please help
hiya please can you help me the first thing is my period blood this month is orange in colour and my tummy is hurting so bad
secondly i have been trying for a baby for 6 years and no luck i havent overlated in that time ethier i had a misscarridge 6 and a half years ago
also my legs keep going num and my tailbone and spassom
and when i was at school 8 years ago i was 5ft 4in but now i am only 5ft 1and ahalf and my feet were a size 4 but now 1-2 could you please help me please i dont know what to do
hi im 21 and sometimes have period like pains but no period it also hurts very bad during intercourse as if my partner is pushing against somthing inside me (sounds disgusting)i also have a thick white discharge that smells i am too embarased to apply for ur show and to c my GP
hi i have a boyfriend who has a smelly penis, he is itching a little bit but that is all and even when he has had a bath the smell is still very strong. Can you please help
im 20 years old and really need advice ive got 3 very sore spots on my breast that are very hard and they have a scab over the top of them and when the scap comes of there is a sticky fluid that comes out please help im really scared as i have no idea what it is.
Hi
im 45yrs Ive got lots of blackheads in my ear lobes that I carn't get rid of, ive tried alsorts of lotions, wipes,steam, sauna ive tried to squease them out until they bleed but they have left them scared only to return. ive had them for years and they make me feel ugly and dirty, I carnt have my hair short or up in a pony, I feel everybody can see them and think im dirty
i have a bad problem, when i laugh or sneeze i i dribble from my bladder and it is very uncomfottable or if i cough to hard and somtimes this happens even when i dont need a wee. i realy dont know what it is or what to do please help!!
I have a discolouration under my arms and between my legs because of shafting and now under both of them have become black, could you help me as i am ashame of wearing sleeveless tops,and shorts HELP
Could you help me. i know this is going to sound weird but i have noticed that sometimes my vagina goes really dry and then these white worm looking things come off . its really been gettin me down as i don't want to go to the doctors and i've had it for a while
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